Teaching children how to be resilient
by Dr. John Adduru, Ed.D, RN, BCCS
There has been too much debate about what is the best way to teach our children on how to be resilient when faced with challenges. It can be scary for them sometimes and they would find something that they need to bring to the table but at the end of the day, as parents, carers, educators for these children we need to stay strong and understanding in the trying times of their lives.
Here’s a list of what to do:
Stay calm and be confident [1].
When our children get frustrated, they often resort to expressing big emotions that can lead to a more drastic stance on expressing themselves. As parents and carers, we don't need to join in the chaos but rather find a way to identify their calm as you identify yours[2].
Make problem solving a collaborative effort[3].
Children are often engaged when they receive support in understanding their needs. However, simply understanding their needs isn't enough; we must act on them. It's important to remember that children may feel lost, especially when facing significant challenges. Hence, as caregivers, we need to remain present and offer them the opportunity to collaborate with us[4].
Testing the waters - create boundaries
If the children have tested your patience, you don't need to react, but rather be receptive to why they are doing these things. Find some triggers and work out how to give the right consequences in order for you to create enough boundaries. Carers need to let them know that we care, and creating boundaries is also a sign of teaching how to respect anyone in front of them.
Creating consistency[5]
This signifies that children need time to get used to new environments and people, making new situations daunting for them. Establish clear rules and objectives for how they should respond[6]. Children will observe and emulate how we react to different situations, so model appropriate responses, especially in difficult circumstances. While flexibility is sometimes necessary, your consistent behavior will guide them.
References:
American Psychological Association. (n.d.). Resilience guide for parents and teachers. Retrieved from https://www.apa.org/topics/resilience/guide-parents-teachers
Sesame Workshop. (n.d.). Building resilience in children and families. Retrieved from https://sesameworkshop.org/topics/social-emotional-skills/resilience/
Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University. (n.d.). A guide to resilience. Retrieved from https://developingchild.harvard.edu/resource-guides/guide-resilience/
ReachOut Schools. (n.d.). Resilience classroom activities. Retrieved from https://schools.au.reachout.com/resilience
Raising Children Network. (n.d.). Building resilience in children 3-8 years. Retrieved from https://raisingchildren.net.au/school-age/development/school-age-social-emotional-development/resilience-how-to-build-it-in-children-3-8-years
Sesame Workshop. (n.d.). Building resilience in children and families. Retrieved from https://sesameworkshop.org/topics/social-emotional-skills/resilience/
The Advanced Autism Services Team. (2025). The role of parent and family training in building resilience. Advanced Autism Services. Retrieved from https://www.advancedautism.com/post/the-role-of-parent-and-family-training-in-building-resilience
